The 6 Best Tips to Embrace Empty Nest Syndrome
How is it that when our children are teens, there tend to be slamming doors, rebellion, sharp words, and too many eye rolls to count? It’s like they don’t like you, and at times you don’t like them either! My mom used to say it was God’s way of cutting the apron strings. Yet, as they prepare to move out of the house and continue towards their life dreams and independence, we are left feeling sad. We are trying to find the balance and embrace empty nest syndrome.
What tips for empty nest syndrome have others found useful so that as bittersweet as it is, we can embrace this time for both us and our young adult?
Why Is Embracing Empty Nest Syndrome So Hard?
Many women experience a deep void in their lives and often feel a little lost when their children leave home. It is difficult to let them go and proceed with their own lives, which in turn compounds their own feelings of feeling lost and lonely. We miss being a part of their daily lives and their constant companionship. If gone unchecked, these feelings can result in depression, alcoholism, marital conflict, and an identity crisis since we no longer understand our purpose.
We don’t want that, so what can we do to embrace our empty nest, live positively, and gush with enthusiasm as our kids develop into thriving young adults? Get on track and ensure you can resume your normal life with these tips:
1. Focus on your children’s success
Focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when they do leave home. Be careful to not be frustrated by comparing your child’s time table to your own expectations.
I raised my four children that you graduate from high school, then immediately go to college, then you will get a job in the field of your major and live successfully ever after. Although they are all successful adults, I think God was chuckling at me and here is how it played out:
Baby Chick #1
My oldest went right into college. She started out in one major then switched majors several times. She quit school for a while and got a license in a specialty. Then she decided she really did want her degree and went to a University in another state where she basically started over! She received her degree ten years after she started in a field that she is passionate about.
Baby Chick #2
My second one went to college for one semester and I thought she wasn’t even attending class. At the end of the semester and several arguments about her academic habits, she produced a transcript with straight A’s. Although she is really smart, she decided that school wasn’t her thing. She took on a full-time job for a year and saved up enough money to move to Los Angeles. There, she is following her passion for working on TV, music videos, and as a production assistant on a well-known televised talent show. She loves what she does and fills in any financial gaps with working at a grocery store, babysitting, and walking dogs.
Baby Chick #3
The next one flip-flopped between school and modeling in NYC. A couple of years into this arrangement where she really wasn’t thriving at either, she made the decision to live in NYC and devote all of her time and energy to successfully earn a living modeling. Several years later, she has now switched to focusing on her education in a field that is really interesting to her and still models part-time.
Baby Chick #4
My last one followed the plan! He went to school and earned a double degree and is working a job in his field. While he may want to chase some other dreams within his field, he is successful.
As you can see, they have all followed their own paths and have become successful adults in their own right. Yes, it was often frustrating to see them go off the course I had set in my mind, but they all are thriving. You certainly need to set boundaries of what is acceptable, but focus on the success of your children and allow them to follow their dreams.
2. Keep in touch
Keep in touch with your children when they move out, but resist the urge to check in too often and try not to be too clingy. Set up a schedule to communicate with your kids. I remember that Sunday’s were when I could expect a phone call with my parents when I was in college. A weekly or bi-weekly appointment will ease your mind and allow both of you to continue your relationship while allowing them to grow.
Continue to be close with your kids even when you live apart. Schedule a group chat with the family or maybe an individual call to stay connected. If your kids are still in close proximity of you, schedule time to get together weekly or monthly.
We want our children to grow and by having a set time to communicate, it helps prevent strain on your relationship and gives you something to look forward to.
3. Rekindle Your Romance And Embrace Your Empty Nest
Instead of dwelling on the sadness of your children growing up, focus on the great things this transition can bring. When the last child leaves, parents have a new opportunity to rekindle their romance and reconnect with each other. You now have time to improve the quality of your marriage and explore interests that you didn’t have time for between soccer games and choir concerts.
Make it a point to make memories as a twosome. Plan those date nights, even if they are as simple as taking a long walk together. Plan some activities together. Do you remember when you were dating? You planned outings like going to the zoo or a drive in the mountains. You got out of the house and did things together. Maybe go on a vineyard tour. Just do things together and spend time getting to know one another again.
Travel together. You can now plan a vacation for just the two of you. You know the kind, with one bedroom, it isn’t Disneyland and you don’t have to think of things to keep the kids busy! Yes, dream and book that trip.
4. Connect With Yourself| Is This Really a Syndrome or Just An Empty Nest?
Ahhh. You now have more time to connect with yourself and explore your opportunities without your kid’s obligations taking over. Just think- you get to cook meals that YOU want without complaints from someone who doesn’t like lasagna. Treat yourself!
With more space and more time you can now explore a hobby that has been pushed aside. Dig into things you once loved before the scheduling chaos of children. Dust off that old instrument that has been waiting for you. Perhaps try some new interests. Maybe you would like to take up painting, volunteer at a charity that is close to your heart, or even go to happy hour with a friend instead of a soccer game!
Establish new goals or dreams and give yourself a personal or professional challenge. Maybe you want to take some college courses, be in the best physical shape ever, or learn to play and instrument. To motivate yourself, set deadlines for when you want to accomplish something. Buy the new equipment for your new-found interest, and then don’t forget to reward yourself for reaching your goal.
One professional challenge I gave myself was to start my blog. I purchased a course on how to set up my website and set a timeline of when I was going to launch. I even launched a couple of weeks early! My reward is the feedback I am getting from my audience and the personal satisfaction I get from learning something new and having it come to fruition.
5. Remain Positive
Life changes such as this transition can be difficult and it is hard to lose sight of the serendipity of the circumstance. As talked about in The Best Tips to Have a Positive Attitude, it is important to stop and refocus your negative thoughts into positive ones. Turn something that makes you feel sad into something that you are grateful for.
Let’s think of this as a transition rather than a syndrome. This is a time for both your children as well as you to explore your horizons and develop into the people you want to become.
6.Seek Support
If you are struggling with embracing this newfound freedom try navigating with someone else by your side. You are not alone in this as many of your friends are experiencing this new phenomenon as well. Check-in with them to see what they are doing to cope. Maybe you each can share ways to embrace empty nest syndrome!
There are also empty nest support services as well. Natalie Caine offers Empty Nest Support with both online support and group support.
Finally
It is natural to feel a sense of loss, just don’t get stuck there! This is a transition to a new season in your life where when you aren’t looking, you may find the serendipity in everyday living!
Please leave your tip below on how you embrace your empty nest and be featured on Life With Laurel. I will let you know when your tip will be shared.
