How to be Positive When You Have a Negative Spouse

Is your spouse constantly complaining and forever in a bad mood? Do they constantly feel down? It’s extremely challenging to live with a negative person and can also bring you down. Feeling like you are constantly the cheerleader can be exhausting, and you can begin to feel resentful. You may ask yourself how you can be positive when having a negative spouse.

Your spouse may be dealing with depression, or they may be chronically negative. Often, they are so wrapped up in their own bad energy that they can’t see how miserable they are and how their bad attitude is toxic to other people. And you get to live with them!

I am here to tell you that YOU are NOT responsible for their attitude!

You are only responsible for your own happiness and positivity. Doesn’t that lift a heavy load off your shoulders? You may think that you’re supposed to help them shift to a more positive light, but that doesn’t work. You will be better equipped to help your spouse when you are positive and don’t take on their negative energy.

When you feel good, are happy, and are positive, you will feel alive and healthy. Being in a good headspace allows you to be more successful and attract more good things for yourself. Stressful events are easier when you are positive.

Let’s work on how YOU can be positive even when you have a negative spouse.

Tips for Staying Positive When You Have a Negative Spouse

Don’t Judge Them

It is so easy to say, “if they would only think this way, they would be so much happier.” But be careful not to judge them or think that your way is better. Allow them to make their own choices even if they aren’t the ones that you would choose. Just the act of judging others, even if you never utter a word to them, can bring negativity.

Listen to your spouse. Just observe and realize you don’t have to do anything about how they think or how they are feeling. You are not responsible for changing their perspective or offering advice (unless they ask for it). When you engage in your spouse’s negativity and complaining, then you empower it. You might ask them, “What should you do about that?” This takes the burden off of you and puts it back on their shoulders.

Avoid Taking On Their Negative Behavior

If you allow yourself to take on their mood and negativity, then it starts to belong to you. You may then begin to feel run down and overwhelmed. No matter how much you love or care about someone, you are not responsible for their happiness.

When you take on their mood or energy, you begin to mirror their negative behavior. Once this happens, you may begin to spiral downwards in a direction you don’t want to go.

Once you become sad, stressed, or frustrated, it is more difficult to look at the broad picture to come up with solutions.

You can choose to be happy or be drug down in their misery. The choice is yours.

Keep Your Power

Refuse to give your power away by reacting to their negative attitude. Consider how you will respond to behaviors or items of conflict in advance. You can then calmly pull these responses out of your back pocket and be prepared rather than reactive. This way, you can bring your best self to the table.

Remember that no one has power over you. They only have the power that you give them by reacting poorly. You control your power with your thoughts, words, and actions. It is okay to take a deep breath and think before responding in a negative fashion. Pause for a moment before responding and ask, “is my reaction worth it?”

That doesn’t mean to let someone walk all over you, simply to ask if your response is necessary. Otherwise, just let it pass. The one who has the most positivity holds the most power of the two of you.

Let Them Keep the Blame

Spouses with negative attitudes often want to point fingers at why they feel the way they do. They may blame you for their sour attitude, but just because someone blames you for something doesn’t mean you have to accept the blame. You don’t need to react to or defend yourself from their blame.

Maybe try something like this, filling in the blanks to fit your situation. Just remember to remain calm and refer to those responses you have already thought about. “I’m sorry that you feel that way. I choose to think this way or be happy about this. I would love it if you would like to join me, but I understand if you don’t.”

Focus on Your Own Positivity

Please stop trying to get them to be positive. “Training” them simply isn’t going to work, and you will find yourself getting more irritated that they won’t change. People don’t like you changing them and don’t want you telling them how to be. You may know that what you focus on creates more of that, but your partner is not invested in your thinking. Trying to change your spouse can backfire, and they can become more negative.

Instead, focus on your OWN positivity. You alone are responsible for your own happiness and no one else. Trust your positivity. Trust that you can start shifting the positive things in your life by believing you can hold your OWN positivity. Perhaps your spouse will notice that you are nice to be around and then be open to being happy rather than conflict. The reason why? It’s their choice to be happy, not you trying to convince them.

Final Thoughts

Negative spouses can be a real drain on your energy, but what is important is that you focus on your own happiness. Be there to listen, but don’t get drawn into their negativity. Try a couple of the techniques, and then slowly add more habits to help you remain positive. Remaining positive when you have a negative spouse can take effort, but you deserve to be happy as well, and maybe you will be able to find serendipity in everyday life along the way.

If your spouse is depressed or if you are having a difficult time dealing with your own mood, then please seek out a therapist to help you navigate.

Here are a few more articles about living with a positive attitude:

Comment in the section below and tell me what strategies you use to stay positive.