Female Friends in Midlife and How to Find Them

Are you looking around and finding that your social life is dwindling as you approach midlife? Friendships are important to women, but it seems that finding friends past 50 is more difficult than it used to be. We all want female friends in midlife and want to know how to find them. It is not uncommon for people to lose friendships as they reach midlife.

Friendships are a key factor to happy midlife women. We need a circle of buddies not only in our 40’s and 50’s but beyond. It is key to have a few good people to turn to not only in times of need but to giggle over a bottle of wine with.

It is important to keep and nurture our current circle of friends and develop new companions as these social interactions are not only good for our souls but also for our well-being.

The Stages of Female Friends

As we reach our 40-50’s many of us look around to find we are short on meaningful friendships, but it is important to understand the evolution of our friends as we grow older.

Our friendship circle evolves as we move through different stages in our lives.

Child

As children, we made friends at preschool, school, and within our neighborhood.

When we were little, it was a lot easier to make friends. On the playground, you may have approached another girl and said, “Do you want to be my friend?” And then you had a chum for recess and lunch. That simple approach doesn’t bode well for a midlife woman.

Middle School and High School

As we approach middle and high school, not only do we have peers in a multitude of classes to choose from, but kids this age have activities they are involved in. And though those years can be social torture for some, there are many people to select from to become friends with.

College and Young Adult

Then we move into the college years or young adult years. If you went to college, chances are you lived in a dorm where other kids didn’t know anyone and were also looking for new friends. Most are in the same situation of leaving the comfort of their friendship circle and venturing out to find new friends.

If you didn’t go to college and chose to dive into the workforce, you may have found colleagues within that work environment.

Adult

Once we approach our adult years, we turn to peers in our workplace or the parents of our kid’s schoolmates to befriend.

Midlife

In midlife, our social circle seems to dwindle. Sometimes it is because we are in different stages in our lives, and sometimes circumstances change the frequency in which we see our friends.

We also are a bit more selective in our friendships as we get older and have more experience and knowledge of what is truly important in a meaningful friendship.

Why it is Important to Have Female Friends in Midlife

Not everyone needs a robust social life, but having a few really close friends is important for your well-being. Other’s thrive in an active social life with many different circles of friends. No matter which style you prefer, studies have shown that having female friends in midlife is important.

Stay Healthy

Having a circle of friends as we progress in age is important to keeping young and vibrant. A study from the Proceeding of the National Academy of Science (PNAS) concluded that “maintaining social connections in older adulthood plays a vital role in protecting health. Chronic conditions naturally increase during late adulthood as part of the aging process. However, socially embedded older adults experience fewer disease risks.”

Not only will you have a better chance of protecting against heart attacks, but the social aspects of friendship also keep your cognitive function thriving. When you have friends to laugh with, you tend to be happier, which wards off depression.

Blow Off Steam

Friendships are as important as or sometimes even more important than family ties. It is wonderful to have someone you can lean on, whether you need someone to vent, cry, or giggle with.

As we get older, we strive to find interesting women who want to do interesting things together. Not just to network, but to become friends. We want to share silly stories and quirky humor. We want to be able to be our authentic selves and just have fun!

Why Do We Lose Friends in Midlife?

Stages in Life

As previously discussed, we move through different friendship stages in our lives. While some friends that we pick up along the way stay as lifelong friends, others drift as we evolve through our life stages. As we approach midlife and beyond, there isn’t a steady stream of people to choose from as previously.

Divorce

It is a sad statistic that up to 50% of marriages end up in divorce. This devastation not only turns your marriage upside down but can also affect your friendships. Not only do you divvy up your assets and belongings, but friendships can also be divided. Some may be primarily your spouse’s friends or the “couple friends” you shared my not know how to be friends with just one of you.

Other friends may not know how to react to your devastation, and the friendship becomes uncomfortable.

Retirement

As we get older, some friends will retire before others. This puts a strain on those relationships in many ways.

Some will be friends that you associate with at work. Once you aren’t working, the connection isn’t there. The retired friend now has more freedom and fewer time constraints than their buddy, who may lead to that friendship slipping away.

Others who retire may move away, and then you don’t see each other as often, causing the friendship to fade. You may have good intentions of staying in touch, but the relationship tends to fade away without constant contact.

Moving

No matter your age, if you move, your existing friendships tend to decrease, and you will want to make new friends. You may still keep your friendships from your previous residence but won’t be able to grab a quick cup of coffee at a moment’s whim.

Health Issues

As we progress in this life, our friends or ourselves may develop health issues that conflict with our friendship. When one party is no longer physically able to do the things you enjoyed together, it allows that friendship to fade.

To maintain friendships under these circumstances, it is important to shift how you will be friends. Devote more time to long phone calls or support your friend by attending a doctor visit with them.

We Are more Discerning

As we approach middle age, we are more comfortable knowing what kind of friends we want to have. Hopefully, we are more confident in knowing that we don’t want to be friends with someone to be one of the “popular” girls.

Sometimes it is time to weed the garden from “friends” that cause us drama or aren’t in alignment with what we value in our friends. We are a bit more discerning in our choices in friendships.

That being said, there are different types of friendships. One that causes a bit of drama may not have to be dropped entirely. Instead of being your bestie, they may be moved to the back burner as a situational friend.

Different Types of Friends

There are two different kinds of friendships, your core friends and situational friends. It is important to have both close ones and acquaintances. Women in midlife need a posse of friends to choose from.

True Friends

True friends are your closest friends, your inner core. They are the ones you can rely on for emotional support. They are the ones you have consistent and engaging conversations with.

It takes time and consistency to develop this core group of friends. True friendships become more defined as we move through our stages in life. They are with us through our transitions of children growing up, loss of a parent, heartbreak, and the joys we share in our lives as well.

The comfort and familiarity of long term friendships takes priority over the excitement of a new-found acquaintance. But those new friendships can soon develop into true friends with time and consistency.

Situational Friends

A situational friend is one that you are friends with for a short amount of time or situation. These friends are the surface-level friends or acquaintances that you share brief moments of time with. You may still have a good time with them, but you don’t bare your soul to them and have set boundaries for your behavior around them.

Along with situational friends, it is also important to have what is called weak ties. The weak ties are described as the people you encounter regularly within the community. These friendships could include the checker you see weekly at the grocery store, your favorite waitperson at the coffee shop you frequent, or the doorman in your building. It could also be your neighbor you frequently see while walking your dog.

These “weak ties” are an important group within your friendship circle as they give you a sense of being a part of your community. New York Times published an article about the Benefits of Talking to Strangers. In this article, Katherine L. Fiori, chairwoman of undergraduate psychology at Adelphi University who studies social networks of older adults, has found that activities that foster “weaker ties” than are formed with family and close friends foster greater life satisfaction and better emotional and physical health.

This is why it is important to have both your close inner circle of friends and your wider circle of situational and weak tie friendships.

7 Best Tips to Find New Female Friends in Midlife

Sometimes it is good to be alone……but not lonely! In a Gallup poll, it was found that 15% of American adults have just one or two close friends. But what is more worrisome is that 2% admit to having NONE!

So how does one go about finding new female friends as our midlife, social circle is shrinking? Let’s look at some places to find new comrades, as finding friends in midlife can be a lot harder than it seems. And as the old saying goes, the best way to have great friends is to be one.

Like Minded People

Seek out like-minded people who have shared interests. Maybe join a class or a walking group. When you join in with other people that have the same interests, you will already have something in common to discuss.

Consider joining a Meetup group in your area. You can search for a hobby like knitting, cooking, or hiking. Or you can search for “midlife women friends” and find other women who are seeking friends just like you.

Community Gatherings

Get involved with your community or neighborhood. Many communities plan events throughout the year, and some neighborhoods may have active social gatherings as well.

If your neighborhood doesn’t already have a committee, start one and plan a “girl’s night out” with the ladies in your neighborhood. Not only will you make friends, but you will also get to know your neighbors. This adds to the sense of community and makes your neighborhood safer.

Join a Professional Organization

There may be professional organizations offered through your work. Go ahead and join! You have common interests, get to know other professionals, and make some friends. Not only that, it is the perfect networking opportunity for your career.

Be Multi-generational

Don’t limit yourself to friends of the same age. It’s okay to have friends of different generations. Offer to babysit for a neighbor or visit someone elderly down the street. You can also check out different Facebook groups within your community to get involved.

Start a Book Club

Start or join a book club. The key to making female friends in midlife is to choose recurring activities. It is much easier to make friends when you can count on seeing them consistently. Book clubs and trivia clubs generally have a set meeting time to foster those budding friendships.

Go to a Fitness Class

If getting fit is something you enjoy, join a fitness or yoga class. Once you see familiar faces, suggest that you go for coffee or smoothies afterward to make new friends.

Revisit Your Contact List

We all have people on our contact list that we have lost touch with. Reach out to those friends and see if you can meet up for lunch to rekindle a friendship. Others, maybe, are contacts you haven’t taken time to start developing a relationship with.

Volunteer

Sign up to volunteer at your local library or community garden. You will come in contact with a lot of women who share the same interest as yourself.

Final Thoughts About Finding Female Friends in Midlife

Female friends are important in midlife and are important for your happiness and your state of well-being. We now know that you are not alone in this, and other women are looking for friendships they can share at this time in their lives as well.

Start by building your confidence and think about what you enjoy. When you are confident in yourself, it shines through. Put yourself out there and engage with a smile. Be sure to be a good listener and ask a lot of questions to show interest in your new friends.

There is always room for new friendships, but also important to nurture the long-lasting ones as well. Taking time to enjoy friendships requires a lot of planning and putting things on the calendar. It is worth it, though! You just need to take action, and maybe you will find some serendipity along the way.

Which tip are you going to try first?